Trump or No Trump, Life is Still Pretty Neat

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I decided to make a new learning today because I know many of you are sad to see O’Bama leave today.

This morning, I turned on the Today Show expecting to see my normal everyday Matt, Savannah, Al and the whole gang, but instead it was Matt and two strangers in Washington D.C. going on about our new president. It made me angry at first, but then I began to think of a few reasons why life is still pretty neat. And here are a few of those reasons:

 

1 Mister Ed on YouTube

I was listening to the Harmontown podcast the other day, when Jeff B. Davis started talking about Mr. Ed (the black & white talking horse show). I remember watching this on Nick at Nite or somewhere as a kid. Jeff was talking about how the show introduces the idea of a talking horse, but never explains it.

I went on YouTube that night and searched for Mr. Ed and found a playlist of all the episodes. Remember in Anchorman (the first one) when Ron Burgundy said “How now brown cow,” for his warmup? That came from Mr. Ed! Next time you’re feeling sad, watch some Mr. Ed on YouTube and that will cheer you up right away. Unless you’re a big time feminist, since the show is from the 60’s.

 

2 New Star Wars Movie Every Year, Forever

Whether Trump likes it or not, Disney is giving us a new Star Wars adventure each and every year, until forever. Along with 2-3 new Marvel movies each year, and of course Pixar, Disney Animation and live action remakes. Like Drake and Future said, “What a time to be alive.”

Of course some people are whiners, and will never be happy with all these remakes and reboots. The great thing about all these Star Wars movies is that they are made by Star Wars fans. All these directors that are chosen for the next movies grew up loving Star Wars, most of them were even inspired to become directors by Star Wars. It’s like fan fiction, but they have all the real toys and resources to use.

 

3 O’Bama Gets a Break

Although I’ll miss seeing Barrack O’Bama in the White House, at least he finally gets to be retired, and play basketball with other old dudes like Shaq and Charles Barkley. He can finally catch up on everything he missed these past 8 years, like Breaking Bad, Stranger Things and even the Kung Fu Panda Trilogy (which began in 2008, when he took office).

 
It doesn’t matter who the President is, we still live in America and America is Great the way it is.

Also, if these 3 reasons don’t cheer you up maybe you should buy some Ice Cream or Nana Puddin’ from Ferdi’s Ice Cream

 

P.S. This song’s for O’Bama:

 

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National Conventions

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This week I learned that the RNC, Republican National Convention, was happening. I haven’t watched much of the RNC, but I’ve seen enough to know that I don’t care for it. All I’ve really seen so far was Stephen Colbert attending and interviewing guests dressed like Caesar Flickerman (from the Hunger Games), and a few other people who were there to mock it.

Last night, I watched about two minutes of Trump talking when I walked by a TV that was playing it. I only watched two minutes because I can’t watch Trump for too long. He’s an idiot who is full of crap (I don’t get how some people AKA “True Republicans” don’t see that). I guess every politician ever has been full of crap, that’s how you get into politics in the first place. Before becoming a mayor, governor or senator of anything you have to first prove that you are a dirtbag who is full of crap. Once you prove that, you’re free to hire a team to do all your work for you while you show your dumb face at some events.

I don’t want to talk about the politicians (anymore) or tell you who to vote for (however, I will tell you who you shouldn’t vote for, Donald Trump). I want to talk about the crazy people who attend these National Conventions. Whether talking about Republicans or Democrats, the attendees at both conventions are crazy people.

Have you ever been to an Insane Clown Posse concert? I haven’t, but I have seen some YouTube videos of what goes down there. At an ICP concert (or rally), “fans” AKA juggalos paint their faces, show off their pointless tattoos, start fires, get hammered drunk and probably do tons of meth.

I imagine that these National Conventions (AKA Election rallies) are the same as an ICP concert (AKA Juggalo Rally), except the people dress nicer, they hide their tattoos (but I’m sure they are also stupid tattoos), the fires probably happen at some hidden after party, they also drink alcohol, but maybe some more expensive alcohol and instead of meth they use more expensive high-class drugs like pills, heroin and cocaine.

Have you seen how crazy these people at the National Conventions? They just scream and yell and cheer as some politician tells them lies. They act like teen girls in the 60’s seeing the Beatles live for the first time. Or like this guy…

 

Here are some opinions I have about stuff:

If you pay money to go to a National Convention of any kind, then you are an idiot.

Why? Spend your money on a concert or a Comic Con or literally any other type of convention. Go to a antique furniture roadshow, a home and garden convention, anything but this crap.

 

If you put the sticker of any presidential candidate on your car, then you are an idiot.

Why? If that person loses, everyone will know that you are a loser for the next 4, 8 or however many years you keep your car. I saw a car with a John Kerry sticker the other day and the first thing that came to my mind was “Loser.”

 

If you give money to a presidential candidate, then you are an idiot.

Why? Do you know how much money these people are wasting each day? And how much money they probably already have? Keep your money to yourself, or give it to a real charity, not some rich white folk running for president.

 

And now, I will leave you with this…

COMMENT ALL YOU WANT… I DARE YOU

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This week I learned that anyone can comment on my FerdingsLearnings WordPress posts, well anyone with a WordPress login, but trust me that pretty much means anyone. There’s no screening process here on WordPress. I have 3 or 4 different WordPress blogs and I don’t even know the login info for two of them. So basically, anyone in the world can comment on these posts.

I actually learned about the commenting thing a while back, like when I started writing these and first received a comment. Something else I figured out at the time was that I have all the power. I am the god of my own WordPress. You can comment all you want, but I have to approve your comment before anyone else can read it.

I usually do approve comments once I see them. They are usually from people I know saying things like, “Keep up the good work man!” “Wow, these are soooo cool and awesome!” and “So True! So True!” among other stuff.

There was one comment that I did not approve when first reading it a few months ago (I actually approved it last week, but there’s a twist. Wait for it!).

Someone had written a very negative comment about a post I made over a year ago about Racism on Elysium.

Side Note: If you go back and read it you may notice that I called out Jodie Foster for bad acting, but I was just being a jerk. She may have been not that good in Elysium, but she has been amazing in everything else I’ve seen her in. So, when re-reading about Racism on Elysium, please disregard my mean comments on Jodie Foster, she is an American Legend and I totally admire, respect and love her.

So I took this guy’s angry comment and finally approved it last week. (See angry comment below)

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The thing is (here comes the twist!), before approving it I found out that I can edit any comment that is written on my page. So, instead of posting the comment as you see it above I edited it to what you see below.

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Now people will read that this person loved my post about Racism on Elysium, instead of reading that I’m a racist jerk, from a guy who calls me a Mexican a bunch of times. I was born in the USA, plus I have never been to Mexico, plus my parents are Cuban.

With so many angry people all over the internet it’s nice to know that we can change that on WordPress just by editing our angry comments or burying them deep within WordPress purgatory, never to be approved.

Now, that you know of all my WordPress power you can write a comment below. Call me racist, or an idiot or a racist idiot. Say whatever you want, and don’t worry, I’ll edit it to say what you really meant.

Was it dumb of me to change the comment, making it positive and then telling everyone about it? Who knows, but it’s funny to me that I can do it. So, as I said above, hit me with your best shot.

Now, I leave you with this, to celebrate the #USMNT win in the #CopaAmerica and also to celebrate the fact that I was Born in the USA!

 

LET’S TALK ABOUT POLITICS

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I don’t usually talk about politics in my learnings (or in real life), because I don’t know anything about politics. Also, I think every politician alive is a dirtbag, and I might be related to a few of them. I’ve only voted once in my life, and I only voted because they sent a ballot to my house. I was able to vote on my couch, in my undies. Anytime I see the news on TV I quickly change the channel (because I hate being depressed). I get my news from the “Today Show” and late night monologues. The only current events I follow online comes from: [POLYGON, IGN] Video Games, [THE VERGE] Technology, [NERDIST] Nerd stuff and anything about movies, entertainment or pop culture. So, anything that I say here that sounds dumb, just know this. I am dumb. I’m ignorant. And I don’t care.

Everyone is talking about Donald Trump. When I first heard Donald Trump was running for president I thought, maybe there’s a second Donald Trump that I’ve never heard of. Maybe this other Donald Trump is a senator or someone kind of important. He wasn’t. It was the same Donald Trump from “The Apprentice” and all the towers.

The next thing I thought was, He’s just doing this to get more people to tune in when he hosts SNL. Then, after hosting SNL he still didn’t drop out. Not only did he stay in the race, but he’s been leading the Republican candidates ever since. Republicans who actually work in politics, except the creepy doctor with the lazy hands. But for the other dudes — Politics is their actual job.

Donald Trump is leading against actual senators and current government figures. Donald Trump is leading by (h)uge numbers (a guy who thinks the ‘h’ in ‘huge’ is a silent one). How shitty are Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and these other Republicans running against Trump? These guys suck so bad that they’re losing to a celebrity billionaire (or maybe just a millionaire).

People choosing Trump of “qualified government officials” is like if I chipped a tooth, and I went to see a dentist for a quote to fix that tooth. Then the dentist told me, “That’s like $500,” but my friend was there with me. And my friend tells me, “I can fix it. Just buy me a beer.” So I tell the dentist, “No thanks, I’m just gonna go with this guy.”

It’s great to hear Americans say, “I love Donald Trump because he speaks the truth,” because what they’re really saying is, “I love Donald Trump because he’s racist. And I am also racist. That’s why I like him.”

The strangest thing is that Donald Trump is winning by so much, yet I haven’t met one person who openly supports Trump. His rallies are full of people, just horrible people that I would never be friends with. It’s like how I’ve never met anyone who watches any of these “ #1 comedies” on CBS, like Two & Half Men or The Big Bang Theory. But, according to CBS, these people do exist because the numbers don’t lie. Or maybe someone is lying to us. Or the person running these numbers is just not good at math.

It’s time for everyone to stop worrying. Donald Trump has ZERO chance at becoming “America’s Next Top President!” Why? Because none of our votes actually count. It’s all up to twelve dudes in a room. And once they release that white smoke from their little chimney we will know who our new president is…

NOT DONALD TRUMP.

Probably Hillary or some other person we don’t know yet. Maybe our next president will be Ross Perot (Is Ross Perot still alive?).

 
***CORRECTION : Since writing this article I was informed that twelve dudes is a jury. And the white smoke thing is how the Catholic Church picks the pope. So, I would like to apologize. I was wrong. We’re screwed, America! Have a nice day.

Paralympic Games

 

 

 

 

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This weekend I learned about the Paralympic games, which take place in Sochi some time after the Olympic games (I haven’t really done any research, so this may not be true). Saturday night I got home at 3:30 in the morning (it would have been 2:30 if it wasn’t for the time change. The time changed while I was driving in my car, so I literally traveled through time! I think that’s how it works, right?).

When I got home I turned on my TV searching for something to watch before bed time. I had left my TV on NBC Sports from watching Chelsea that afternoon (Chelsea #1, Suck it Arsenal!). What I found when I turned on my TV was Paralympic Hockey, which is so much better than regular hockey, and here are some reasons why:

1 Everyone is on a sled, even the goalie!

2 Each player gets not one, but two mini hockey sticks (they also use these to propel themselves around the ice).

3 I didn’t see any fights, but I’m sure a sled fight would be way cooler than a regular hockey standing fight.

4 I saw one dude fall off his sled, and roll over back on to his sled in seconds (and he only had one leg).

If this Hockey is played somewhere near me I would definitely go check it out (maybe even end up with season tickets and a new favorite sports team). I only watched for a few minutes, then I switched to something on Netflix (It always takes about 20 minutes to find the right thing to watch on Netflix, and the next morning I can never remember what I fell asleep watching).

I woke up the next morning with a bunch of questions. Was that a dream, or did I really see Paralympic Hockey last night? If the USA played ITALY last night, then both these countries should have an underground Paralympic Hockey league (where else would they find all these athletes?). What other sports take place in the Paralympics? If I lost a leg would I become a Paralympic athlete? Which sport would I choose? What the hell was I watching on the Netflix last night?

I still don’t know the answers to many of these questions, but I do know that if I happen to catch some more Paralympic events on TV this week, I will be watching and cheering for the USA!