What the Health?

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A few weeks ago, I watched the documentary What the Health on Netflix. I really only watched about 20 minutes of it, but that’s all I needed to form an opinion and write about it here. This documentary was created to inform us that everything we are currently eating is cancer, unless you are a full-Vegan (or plant-based vegan).

What I learned from watching about 20 minutes of this doc is that there are two types of people in this world, (1) those who get cancer, and (2) those who die before they realize they’ve got cancer.

According to the doc the animals we eat are filled with tons of carcinogens inside of their bodies, which is why every week on Facebook there’s a new article posted by some dum dum, that says “[This type of meat] gives you cancer!”

I gave the Plant-based, full-Vegan diet a thought, but then realized that I can’t take meat, fish, dairy and all of the other delicious things out of my life. I love pizza, tacos and Pretzel M&M’s! They did mention in the doc that human’s are the only animals that drink other animal’s milk, which when you say it like that it does sound kind of weird. We drink everyone’s milk: cow’s milk, goat’s milk, almond’s milk, coconut’s milk, soy’s milk and so many others. Most of these don’t even sound like actual milk.

What the Health also mentioned that the Health industry is trying to kill us. They feed us all of the unhealthy food to get us sick and treat us with their expensive drugs. This part I do believe. The drug cartels invented the food pyramid to get us sick and cure our diseases with their expensive drugs!

The health industry is kind of like that book or movie where the mom is feeding all the kids just a little bit of poison, so she can take care of them while their sick, because it makes her feel better. I think that’s a book or movie I’ve seen. If anyone knows the name please let me know in the comments. Maybe it was an episode of Dexter, or just part of the plot of Crimson Peak?

The reasoning behind all the animals having cancer in their bodies is because the animals are breathing in smoke and pollution from nearby factories. Guess what, What The Health, we are breathing in that same air, so we already have the cancer inside of us. If that’s the case, I’m going to continue eating my normal diet, but I may add some Plant-based meals here and there. And if I do it’s because I want to, and not because you told me to!

I don’t think I will ever finish watching the rest of the documentary because I already got what I needed out of it (this 500 word Learning). So thank you, What the Health. Now it’s time to go back to Life in Pieces and GLOW on Netflix.

 

*If you have any Netflix recommendations please comment below, that or if you know the movie or book I was talking about. Was it Misery?

**One more thing, I was going to talk about Joaquin Phoenix and his last documentary (or Mock-umentary, I’m Still Here), where he tricked us all in to believing that he had gone off the rails. Also, I am no scientist, doctor or food specialist, this is all based on my opinions after watching just 20 minutes of this documentary.

Culinary Critics

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There are some rumors going around insinuating that chefs are crazy. If you watch Kitchen Nightmares or Hell’s Kitchen or any Gordon Ramsay show, you may agree (I do not watch those shows, so I hope he’s on at least one of them). You might believe in a world where all chefs have exploding personalities and you should just leave them alone. I don’t think this is true and I’ll tell you why.

Last week, I began watching Chef’s Table on Netflix and I’m now on the 6th or 7th episode. If you aren’t watching this show yet, you need to start now. Take a break from OITNB and watch some Chef’s Table, then get back to OITNB if you really need to. I like that each episode of Chef’s Table keeps you jumping around the world following one master chef at a time (not to be confused with the Master Chief). Also, each episode is completely different from the last because each chef has a different story, personality and culinary style.

If you want to know who the real crazies are, it’s definitely not the chefs. Of the 6 or 7 chefs I’ve seen so far, only one was a little crazy. He wasn’t exactly crazy though, he was just an Argentinian hippie. Another one was a bit angry, but he did say he needed to work on that. So, at least he acknowledged his faults.

The real crazy people are the food critics who make a living talking about these chefs. Who are these hipster food scientists, dissecting each meal to write a column about it? And what gives them the authority to say what food is better than the rest?

I’m asking because I would like to have this job. Just eat food and talk about it, all day. I’d also get to create my own strange wardrobe by taking stuff from Urban Outfitters and thrift stores into a secret lair, then sewing them together and create a hybrid clothing line specifically for myself. According to the food critics I’ve seen so far, If you’re all about writing about food, you also have to be all about fashion, but not other people’s fashion. You must create your own weird costumes, that only you can pull off.

Maybe the food critics create these outrageous outfits in order to stand out when they come into restaurants. They want the chef to know who they are. I’m a critic, give me the good food! These aren’t this new breed of yelp reviewers, Chef’s Table doesn’t believe in yelp (and neither do I!). These critics probably attended culinary school, but not to learn how to make wild dishes. They wanted to be able to write about other people’s wild dishes.

Of all the food critics I’ve seen in 6 or 7 episodes, I think only one of them looked like an everyday human. The rest look like they belong at Mos Eisley’s Cantina. They aren’t weird-shaped or goofy-faced, it’s mostly just their clothes that makes them seem different. “And people always scared of what’s different,” someone said that in Remember the Titans (and probably some other movies too).

Since I’ve only seen 6 or 7 episodes, that’s all I’ve learned so far. Also, just from watching Chef’s Table my culinary skills may be improving. Last week I bought some sashimi tuna at the Fresh Market and I made a super gourmet, culinary chef experience out of it. I even had a beautiful presentation worthy of a Kaiseki dining experience. (Episode 4: Niki Nakayama – n/naka)
Watch Chef’s Table and learn some stuff…

TOO MANY TV SHOWS!

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This week I came to a very important realization:

There are way too many TV shows and movies and I’ll never have enough time to watch all the good ones.

With all of these internet streaming services creating their own content, plus all the regular and premium channels — how are we supposed to watch all the good shows? You just can’t. There was a time — just a few months ago — where I would record and watch every episode of The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. It started back with Late Night (way before I was a guest on the show). At some point I was watching every Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and every Conan. Sorry Coco, but I had to drop you a while back (I watch Conan clips on YouTube from time to time, like anytime there’s a Clueless Gamer. YouTube even has it’s own original movies and series now!). Now my DVR is filling up and I had to start screening guests on The Tonight Show. I even speed watch just to see the interviews. I skip monologues, pros and cons, even thank you notes.

I have a full season of Agents of Shield, the current season of Always Sunny and way more shows piling up on my DVR. Why is this happening? Every night I get in my bed and use my AppleTV instead to watch Netflix shows, Comedy Central Specials and everything else on there. And it’s not just the new original Netflix shows. As you already know (if you read my learning two weeks ago), I went back and started Friends (I finished season 1 last week. Only 216 episodes left). I started The X-Files, but have only seen about three or four episodes (22 minutes of Friends is way easier than 45 minutes of The X-Files).

Netflix has also brought back some of my favorites. They brought back Arrested Development, Wet Hot American Summer (as a series) and now Full(er) House! Netflix knows what they’re doing. Hulu tried to bring back The Mindy Project, but I’m not going to pay for Hulu just to see Mindy Lahiri and Doctor Castellano together (I don’t like them together, maybe because they were too mean to each other before. I don’t know what it is, but it makes me sick). I do miss Morgan and Dr. Peter though, and the British dude.

NBC even started a new streaming service, SeeSo, which has a lot of shows I want to watch but I don’t want to pay for. If I have cable why do I have to pay for more content from NBC? What the shit, Jack Donaghy, just let me watch what I want to watch.

I wish Netflix would bring back Pete and Pete. I never really understood that show, but I did love it. I’m sure if I saw it now I would either think it was great for reasons I was too young to understand back then, or I would think What the hell was wrong with me and everybody else who loved this show? (I still kind of want a Petunia tattoo though. How many Petunia tattoos do you think are out there?).

The best way to get a bit of all the good shows is to watch as many as you can and talk to friends about your shows and their shows. Of course, this is what always happens when comparing shows with friends:

FRIEND A
I’m watching Breaking Bad. You gotta watch it!

FRIEND B
No man, Walking Dead is where it’s at.

FRIEND A
Dude, Walter White is a G! He invented Blue Meth.

FRIEND B
Please, Rick Grimes is a supercop, who kills zombies and calls his son Coral.

FRIEND A
Sounds stupid.

FRIEND B
Walter White sounds like a tool.

 

Instead of fighting about which show is better, we can exchange summaries with each other and it’s like watching all the shows.

The secret to true happiness is just to tell yourself this one thing:
I will never watch every TV show, and I’m OK with that.

FRIENDS! My new favorite show…

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Last week I started watching NBC’s “the Friends” on Netflix. I’m now halfway through season one. I’ve seen many episodes of  “the Friends,” in my lifetime, but I have never seen them all in order. I know about a few things that happened on the show, but I have no idea when or what order they happened in (I have no “Friends” timeline).

One thing I learned after just a few episodes is that Ross is always a sad baby. Ross has never been happy for an entire episode [FACT!]. During the third episode I was excited for Ross, he hadn’t whined, complained or been a bummer yet, until he figured out that his childhood dog did not go live on a farm, but instead had died and it was all a big lie. Ross is sad. The end! (It’s not a spoiler if it happened over 10 years ago).

Someone told me, “he’s sad cause he just got a divorce,” but he should be happy. Being divorced is way better than being married to a lesbian – unless you’re also a lesbian, then being married to a lesbian would be awesome for you. However, Ross is not a lesbian, so why would he want to be married to one? Don’t worry Ross, I’m sure you’ll find someone else (I wonder who that could be?).

Phoebe has always been my favorite, and she will continue to be my favorite of the friends. She is silly, and I love it when she says “Oh!” when she finally gets something. I love her songs. Before I only knew about the song “Smelly Cat,” but already in half-a-season I’ve learned so many new songs. I do still love Joey, Chandler, Rachel, Monica and I guess Ross. This show is also filled with great 90’s cameos, including D.A.G. (David Allan Grier), Helen Hunt and Phoebe’s crappy sister Ursula.

Even the theme song from “Friends” is all about my life. (1) I don’t know what I’m doing. (2) I’m broke and my love life’s D.O.A. (3) I do have great friends who love me and are always there for me. The Rembrandts really know their stuff. I loved the “Friends” song so much when I was a kid I even had the Rembrandts tape (I’ll Be There For You was the only good song).

This show is great and I recommend it to anyone who has never watched it (or has only watched a bunch of random episodes like me). It’s full of jokes, and jokes that still hold up. Well, I gotta go. It’s time for bed, but I’m sure I can squeeze in one more episode before I go to sleep, maybe two.

Watch Friends you dummies, it’s on the Netflix! Everyone has Netflix. Stop wasting your time with this “Making a Murderer” crap, watch something happy. 

 

Paralympic Games

 

 

 

 

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This weekend I learned about the Paralympic games, which take place in Sochi some time after the Olympic games (I haven’t really done any research, so this may not be true). Saturday night I got home at 3:30 in the morning (it would have been 2:30 if it wasn’t for the time change. The time changed while I was driving in my car, so I literally traveled through time! I think that’s how it works, right?).

When I got home I turned on my TV searching for something to watch before bed time. I had left my TV on NBC Sports from watching Chelsea that afternoon (Chelsea #1, Suck it Arsenal!). What I found when I turned on my TV was Paralympic Hockey, which is so much better than regular hockey, and here are some reasons why:

1 Everyone is on a sled, even the goalie!

2 Each player gets not one, but two mini hockey sticks (they also use these to propel themselves around the ice).

3 I didn’t see any fights, but I’m sure a sled fight would be way cooler than a regular hockey standing fight.

4 I saw one dude fall off his sled, and roll over back on to his sled in seconds (and he only had one leg).

If this Hockey is played somewhere near me I would definitely go check it out (maybe even end up with season tickets and a new favorite sports team). I only watched for a few minutes, then I switched to something on Netflix (It always takes about 20 minutes to find the right thing to watch on Netflix, and the next morning I can never remember what I fell asleep watching).

I woke up the next morning with a bunch of questions. Was that a dream, or did I really see Paralympic Hockey last night? If the USA played ITALY last night, then both these countries should have an underground Paralympic Hockey league (where else would they find all these athletes?). What other sports take place in the Paralympics? If I lost a leg would I become a Paralympic athlete? Which sport would I choose? What the hell was I watching on the Netflix last night?

I still don’t know the answers to many of these questions, but I do know that if I happen to catch some more Paralympic events on TV this week, I will be watching and cheering for the USA!