ZIKA isn’t Real!

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If you think ZIKA is real, then you are a fool. If you think it’s all over Miami, then you are an even bigger fool!

Let’s travel to the birthplace of this ZIKA conspiracy, the Rio Olympics which just ended. Out of over 10,000 athletes (thanks, Wikipedia) how many do you think came home with ZIKA???

ZERO, zero came home with ZIKA! (Not just home to America, home to everywhere).

Everyone has been freaking out about ZIKA in Wynwood and Midtown. Everyone except the people who live and work there, because they know the truth: ZIKA is not real. And now it’s in Miami Beach??? Where will it head to next???

My phone even told me that the new Joe Robbie Stadium [AKA Pro Player, AKA Land Shark, AKA Sun Life, AKA Dolphin Stadium, AKA Hard Rock Stadium] has special mosquito protection, even though it’s way out of the current “ZIKA Zones.” All this ZIKA-talk is just the dirty media trying to scare us and keep us indoors.

This is why I never watch the news. When’s the last time you watched the news and saw a happy story? Maybe in the good old 1900’s, since then it’s all just a bunch of scare tactics! Here’s three examples of things you may hear on the news, today:

[1]
NEWS ANCHOR: Is it safe to drink your water? Find out tonight at 10pm on ___News!

YOU: At 10? It’s not even 10 am and I’m thirsty now. I have to wait 12 hours to drink water???

 

[2]
NEWS ANCHOR: Is it going to rain today? Find out next week on the morning news at 4am.

YOU: What? Next week, for today’s forecast?

 

[3]
NEWS ANCHOR: Is it safe to go outside? NO, it’s not! Lock your door and watch our news show at 6 pm

YOU: OK!

 

Back to your regularly scheduled ZIKA learning:

Last Saturday, I was in Wynwood and Midtown all day (from 1 pm till 10 pm) and in those 9 hours I saw zero mosquitos. I wore my long-sleeve Columbia fishing shirt, (I spelled that right. I’m talking about the outerwear company, not the country) because I was tricked by the news.

After spending the whole day in Wynwood, I’m positive that there is nothing to worry about. It’s all the media dirtbags trying to get us to watch their depressing news programs and vote for some dumb politicians.

Each day, they show a different mayor or candidate walking through the “ZIKA-infested” streets of Wynwood with their hazmat suit crew spraying pesticides all over. These pesticides are the real problem, that’s what’s going to get you sick. These politicians aren’t scientists. What do they know about mosquitos?

Don’t stop living your life. Get out and see the world. Because if you don’t then those idiots at FOX NEWS win!

ZIKA isn’t real, but in case it is maybe you should wear bug spray! Also, none of this is real, it’s all just a simulation! And in the words of the great Jeff Davis, “Live fast and take chances!” That’s all.

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