A few weeks ago I realized “I’ve made a huge mistake,” when I decided to shave my face clean for the first time since Movember in 2008 or 2009. It was all for a Back to the Future party. I really wanted to win best costume and I didn’t win, so in the end I shaved for no reason at all. The prizes were BTTF Funko toys, and I already own a better version of one of the prizes, but I love winning stupid contests.
My costume was Elijah Wood from Back to the Future 2. I had to shave because in BTTF2 Elijah Wood was just a young boy, and young boy’s don’t usually have beards (I’m not even sure if grown up Elijah Wood can grow a beard?). Not only did I shave, but I built the sweet ass future hat he wore in the movie. I also built his weird future belt and golden suspenders, which you don’t notice in the picture, but you only see if you’re watching the film closely.
I try not to completely shave my face ever, because when I do it just looks wrong. You can’t tell where my face ends and my neck starts if there’s no hair on my face to show you. It’s like a talking blob on top of a weird-shaped body. Maybe it’s just weird because I normally have a beard, but either way I’m keeping the beard (it also keeps my face warm, and adds an extra layer of protection in case I run into anything).
Another reason why shaving for this party was stupid is that Halloween was the next weekend. So, for Halloween in order to be Jake Johnson in Jurassic World I had to wear a fake mustache. A fake mustache that only lasted about 10 minutes before it fell off for good. Then people just thought I was someone who hates Halloween, but loves Jurassic Park.
The idea for my Jake Johnson costume came from me watching Jurassic World on Halloween day, and thinking to myself, Hey, I have a Jurassic Park shirt. I can do that! Most of the people didn’t get the costume, which happens with most of my costume (even Elijah Wood in BTTF2). Some people hadn’t seen Jurassic World yet, others were just dumb and don’t remember movies.
By now it’s been a few weeks and my face is looking kind of normal again. I plan to let my beard grow until next Halloween, but who knows what will happen. Also, I learned that there’s some nasty stuff growing in beards. When Will Forte was on The Tonight Show the other night they tested his beard and found lots of weird stuff, but luckily there was no poop.
I will continue to have a beard, but I will keep it cleaner. Using Shampoo and Conditioner to make sure I keep the yeast, dirt and especially the poop out.