Funky, Fresh, and full of Molly


It’s funky, fresh, and effing annoying if you live anywhere near downtown Miami…
That’s right – I’m talking about Ultra Music Festival.

Listen, I have absolutely no quarrels with house/electronica/drum and base/etc music. Absolutely none. But when you turn an already destructive festival into a 6-day affair (March 15.16.17 and March 22.23.24) you’re just asking for clusters of fuckery.

Between the drugs (that not everyone who attend UMF take… but most do), dehydration issues, traffic, noise, and stupidity, Ultra Music Festival has become as annoying to South Floridian as Urban Weekend has become to those who live on South Beach (look it up).

Plus there’s the price of it all. With tickets ranging from $299 and up, only rich people and broke college students who have their priorities all tangled up actually attend the festival. That is, along with die hard fans who travel across the globe to see this extravaganza.

Listen, I’m not hating on UMF. I actually enjoy seeing (and laughing at) the pictures, stories, and videos that come out of Ultra every year – case and point, the girl who started having sexual intercourse with a tree at Ultra 2012 (see here

There are also these wonderful gifs…

…and many more that are just too naughty to post.

So if you’re from Miami, BRACE YOURSELF! UMF starts today and it’s not ending ANYTIME soon.

That’s it for today’s Funky Fresh and full of illegal substances – enjoy Ultra weekend(s) everyone!

Sheska Ocasio-Hernandez


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